A Note to Encourage Appreciation

Date November 30, 2007

I would like to encourage everyone to consider how fortunate they are to be living in a house rather than an apartment. Sometimes people complain about the responsibility that comes with a house, that now you have to fix everything yourself. Yes, that is true, when something breaks you are responsible for fixing it or arranging for it to be fixed. But, C’mon, we are adults. And how hard is it to look up a handy-man phone number and dial it? That annoyance pales in comparison to calling a landlord and waiting…one week, two weeks.

Assuming that they have any intention of fixing whatever is broken in your apartment. Most likely someone will come several weeks after you call, make a mess in your apartment, and leave a note saying that they couldn’t fix whatever it was, but someone else will come by sometime later. For example, after recent visits by repair-people, I came home to a kitchen rug with bleach stains and a dining room full of glass shards. Hooray! My dishwasher is still broken, but look at the cool white splotch on my turquoise rug!

So basically, all you homeowners should treasure the time you spend fixing things or scheduling repair people to come. You should also appreciate that your neighbors are separated from you by more than a thin wall or floor. Did anyone else have problems falling asleep last night because you couldn’t block out the sounds of ‘Oh oh oh oh OH oh oh OH ohohohoh OH OH OOOHH OH oh oh oh oh OH oh OH ….’ You get the idea. I swear to god the girl below me said ‘Oh’ fifty-five thousand times. I thought they were never going to quit fucking. I got so tired of hearing, ‘Oh’,

I just wanted her to say something else. Like throw in an ‘Oh god’ or say his name or something. Hell, say something weird, at least it would have entertained me. And I’m sure it was annoying for him to hear ‘Oh’ over and over and over again. Then I found myself wondering if she was really having all that great of a time or if she was just saying ‘Oh’ for the hell of it. I mean it didn’t really sound real (according to my expert opinion). Isn’t there supposed to be a progression….a building up of the Oh’s and then a climax of Oh’s and then kinda a more satisfied quiet ‘Oh’, some basking in the post-‘Oh’ glow? Not for this chick.

The ‘Oh’s were sporadic and unorganized, they went up and down, fast and slow, total chaos. Thank god they ended eventually, but it left me wondering if she had just had 100 orgasms or none at all. The guy was probably wondering the same thing, but just happy he didn’t have to hear the word ‘Oh’ again for awhile. ‘Oh’ yeah, and you should also appreciate being able to get laid whenever you want…in your house…without a broken sink. These are things I will appreciate when I move back to OKC.

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